Recently, as I do too often for my own wellbeing, I was out drinking with some friends at the local pub. Again, as I do too often, I got totally inebriated. This time however, the night didn’t just end with me going home alone or vomiting after going home alone. No. This night was different. I’m not too sure of the lead up to the event, as I was feeling the effects of several jager bombs, but what I do remember was sitting on my arse after getting punched squarely in the nose because of something I apparently said to a random pub patron.
The subsequent trip to the doctor’s confirmed what I already knew. My nose was broken. As most unmanly men would do, I went to the police, in search of justice. This bogan must pay! But alas, apparently, it’s well within the law to take matters in to your own hands if someone says something to you and you don’t appreciate it. I refer to page 55 of the Queensland Criminal Code – Division 7. In case you are lazy and don’t wish to find this yourself, here are some of the highlights. I have bolded passages of particular interest.
Division 7—Objective concept of reasonable force, act or belief
Objective meaning of “reasonable” in certain circumstances
83.(1) This section applies to a provision of an Act under which a
person—
(a) may use, or is not criminally responsible for using, reasonable
force; or
(b) may do an act, or is not criminally responsible for doing an act, if
the act is reasonable; or(c) may do an act, or is not criminally responsible for doing an act, if
the person has a specific reasonable suspicion or belief.
(2) The force is reasonable if, in all the circumstances—
(a) it is reasonable to use some force; and
(b) the amount of force used is reasonable.
(3) The act is reasonable if it is reasonable in all the circumstances.
(4) The suspicion or belief is reasonable if it is reasonable in all the
circumstances.
Division 8—Provocation and the ordinary person
Meaning of “provocation”
84.(1) “Provocation” is an act of a nature likely to deprive an ordinary
person of the power of self-control (the “provoking” act) and to induce the
ordinary person to do an act (the “provoked” act) to whoever it was who
did the provoking act, if the provoking act were done—
(a) to the ordinary person; or
(b) in the ordinary person’s presence to anyone else.
(2) If a person (the “first person”) does the provoking act to a second
person, or in the second person’s presence to anyone else, the first person
gives the second person provocation for the provoked act.
(3) An act a person does because of incitement given by anyone to
induce the person to do the act, and therefore to give an excuse for a
provoked act, is not provocation to the other person for an act.
(4) An unlawful arrest is not necessarily provocation, but may be
provocation if the arrested person knows or reasonably believes the arrest is
unlawful.
(5) A lawful act is not provocation for an act.
(6) The provoking act can be an insult or spoken words, even if the insult
or words are lawful.
Ok, so from that we can gather that if you say something that would “deprive an ordinary person of self-control”, they can retaliate using “reasonable” force. So, what is an ordinary person? Glad you asked:
Characteristics of the ordinary person
85.(1) This section applies for—
(a) this division; and
(b) any other provision of the Code under which the criminal
responsibility of a person for doing an act in particular
circumstances is decided by comparison with the conduct of an
ordinary person in those circumstances.
(2) The characteristics of the person that are included in the characteristics
of the ordinary person are not limited to the person’s age.
(3) The characteristics of the person included in the characteristics of the
ordinary person include, for example, a person’s race, ethnic background
and gender.
Thrilling, still don’t really know what an ordinary person is, but hey, who understands most of the laws anyway. So, my question is, you’re in the midst of an alcohol fueled night, how can you react with reasonable force and rest easy knowing you didn’t cross the line? Well, after my debacle I have decided to compile a list of words and acts and then accompany them with points based on severity. If someone calls you a name, simply use the points system to decide on appropriate action. I am not going to list all the possible insults and physical reactions, but more just a widely used list.
Verbal acts:
- Faggot – 100 points
- Wanker – 60 points
- Dickhead – 70 points
- Arsehole – 70 points
- Motherfucker – 110 points
- The dreaded “C” word – 130 points
- Pooface – 5 points
- Loser – 15 points
Physical acts:
- King hit – 100 points
- Single ordinary punch – 80 points
- Shove – 50 points
- Roundhouse kick – 120 points
- Piledriver / Powerbomb – 150 points
- Fireball – 200 points
Ok, so there you have it. A definitive list for our pub points system. So how do you use it? Well it’s easy, every time someone insults you, add up the points for each insult. Then, using a combination of retaliations (either physical or verbal), deal them some justice. Don’t be afraid to mix things up! If someone calls you a “motherfucking arsehole” you now have 180 points to use! You could shove him, then king hit him and call him a loser twice and still only be eve, with no chance of retribution for him! Its flawless..
Well at least according to the law it is
September 16, 2007 at 12:03 pm |
and who says crime doesn’t pay???