XD : The best emoticon of all

Emoticons. We all use them to convey our emotions during a conversation over one of the many IM clients that are out there to stay in touch with friends and family, but more importantly, distract us from work. The most common of these emoticons is undoubtedly , and . The emoticon raises several issues with me, because of the misinterpretation that many people seem to have with it.

The ‘:P’ face on this site, by the looks of it, is conveying a ‘poking tongue at you’ emotion. However, the corresponding face in clients such as msn represents a ‘tongue in cheek’ emotion. It is best used after a comment that was said in jest. Because trying to represent a tongue in cheek face is somewhat difficult in only a few pixels, the creator of the emoticon simply placed the tongue hanging out the side of the mouth. It is not directed outwards so it is not a face poking a tongue at someone, as many uninformed chatters seem to think. So, as a rule of thumb, look at the emoticon before using it. If the tongue is to the side, its a tongue in cheek emoticon.

Ok, now that I have cleared that up, I can move onto my favourite of all emoticons: The or XD emoticon.

One of the theories to its origin is South Park. In South Park when a character laughs so hard they close their eyes, their eyes resemble an ‘X’ on its side. The mouth changes to resemble a ‘D’ on its side and so you have ‘XD’ resembling their face.

This is then without doubt the origin of the face, since South Park is hella cool and has a massive influence on the world, especially the world of IM clients.

It may have started out as simply a way to convey the emotion of uncontrollable laughter but it has since transformed into a multi-purpose emoticon. Following are a few real life examples of how it can and should be used:

• To show someone what you think of them in an overexaggerated way, but also in a way to not really offend them – You are talking to your mate, and he’s telling you of how he is making a solar powered boat in his spare time that will take pictures of its surrounds while making its way to New Zealand. You, knowing that his actions are hella nerdy, say, “You’re a fucking idiot”. This is somewhat over the top! There is no real reason to swear like that and you know it! So to soften it up a bit and to show it’s all a bit of a laugh, you do the face.
• To express sheer enjoyment at someone else’s misery – A good friend tells you his last girlfriend broke up with him because she thought he had sex with a paw paw. A simple ‘LOL’ or even the orsmly cool ‘ALOL’ (this will be explained in a future post) will not suffice in this situation. It’s hilarious, embarrassing and you have to wonder why your friend would confess that to you. The face comes in handy in this situation!
• To show appreciation for an infantile or immoral joke / situation – A friend overhears someone say something that could be interpreted the wrong way by someone that appreciates infantile humour, like a lady offering a co-worker a hug, only to realise her shirt is wet, consequently saying “Want a hug? I’m very wet”. Boring people would not even notice the obvious sexual innuendo, so the face is used to show your friend that you realise this is a seriously funny situation. The story teller will usually conclude the story with a of his own, to which you should reply with if you also appreciate the situation.

So there you have it. Some great real world examples of how to use the emoticon. If you are ever unsure when do use it, just try and replicate the face with your own face. You will be able to tell if that face suits the situation instantly!! Go forth and use it, you will wonder how you had online conversations without it!

King hit.. that’ll be 100 pub points please

Recently, as I do too often for my own wellbeing, I was out drinking with some friends at the local pub. Again, as I do too often, I got totally inebriated. This time however, the night didn’t just end with me going home alone or vomiting after going home alone. No. This night was different. I’m not too sure of the lead up to the event, as I was feeling the effects of several jager bombs, but what I do remember was sitting on my arse after getting punched squarely in the nose because of something I apparently said to a random pub patron.

The subsequent trip to the doctor’s confirmed what I already knew. My nose was broken. As most unmanly men would do, I went to the police, in search of justice. This bogan must pay! But alas, apparently, it’s well within the law to take matters in to your own hands if someone says something to you and you don’t appreciate it. I refer to page 55 of the Queensland Criminal Code – Division 7. In case you are lazy and don’t wish to find this yourself, here are some of the highlights. I have bolded passages of particular interest.

Division 7—Objective concept of reasonable force, act or belief
Objective meaning of “reasonable” in certain circumstances
83.(1) This section applies to a provision of an Act under which a
person—
(a) may use, or is not criminally responsible for using, reasonable
force; or
(b) may do an act, or is not criminally responsible for doing an act, if
the act is reasonable; or

(c) may do an act, or is not criminally responsible for doing an act, if
the person has a specific reasonable suspicion or belief.
(2) The force is reasonable if, in all the circumstances—
(a) it is reasonable to use some force; and
(b) the amount of force used is reasonable.
(3) The act is reasonable if it is reasonable in all the circumstances.
(4) The suspicion or belief is reasonable if it is reasonable in all the
circumstances.
Division 8—Provocation and the ordinary person
Meaning of “provocation”
84.(1) “Provocation” is an act of a nature likely to deprive an ordinary
person of the power of self-control (the “provoking” act) and to induce the
ordinary person to do an act (the “provoked” act) to whoever it was who
did the provoking act, if the provoking act were done—
(a) to the ordinary person; or
(b) in the ordinary person’s presence to anyone else.
(2) If a person (the “first person”) does the provoking act to a second
person, or in the second person’s presence to anyone else, the first person
gives the second person provocation for the provoked act.
(3) An act a person does because of incitement given by anyone to
induce the person to do the act, and therefore to give an excuse for a
provoked act, is not provocation to the other person for an act.
(4) An unlawful arrest is not necessarily provocation, but may be
provocation if the arrested person knows or reasonably believes the arrest is
unlawful.
(5) A lawful act is not provocation for an act.
(6) The provoking act can be an insult or spoken words, even if the insult
or words are lawful.

Ok, so from that we can gather that if you say something that would “deprive an ordinary person of self-control”, they can retaliate using “reasonable” force. So, what is an ordinary person? Glad you asked:

Characteristics of the ordinary person
85.(1) This section applies for—
(a) this division; and
(b) any other provision of the Code under which the criminal
responsibility of a person for doing an act in particular
circumstances is decided by comparison with the conduct of an
ordinary person in those circumstances.
(2) The characteristics of the person that are included in the characteristics
of the ordinary person are not limited to the person’s age.
(3) The characteristics of the person included in the characteristics of the
ordinary person include, for example, a person’s race, ethnic background
and gender.

Thrilling, still don’t really know what an ordinary person is, but hey, who understands most of the laws anyway. So, my question is, you’re in the midst of an alcohol fueled night, how can you react with reasonable force and rest easy knowing you didn’t cross the line? Well, after my debacle I have decided to compile a list of words and acts and then accompany them with points based on severity. If someone calls you a name, simply use the points system to decide on appropriate action. I am not going to list all the possible insults and physical reactions, but more just a widely used list.

Verbal acts:

• Faggot – 100 points
• Wanker – 60 points
• Dickhead – 70 points
• Arsehole – 70 points
• Motherfucker – 110 points
• The dreaded “C” word – 130 points
• Pooface – 5 points
• Loser – 15 points

Physical acts:

• King hit – 100 points
• Single ordinary punch – 80 points
• Shove – 50 points
• Roundhouse kick – 120 points
• Piledriver / Powerbomb – 150 points
• Fireball – 200 points

Ok, so there you have it. A definitive list for our pub points system. So how do you use it? Well it’s easy, every time someone insults you, add up the points for each insult. Then, using a combination of retaliations (either physical or verbal), deal them some justice. Don’t be afraid to mix things up! If someone calls you a “motherfucking arsehole” you now have 180 points to use! You could shove him, then king hit him and call him a loser twice and still only be eve, with no chance of retribution for him! Its flawless..

Well at least according to the law it is