Premature Goodbyes

Goodbye: farewell (a conventional expression used at parting). (see dictionary.com)

I have placed emphasis on “used at parting” because it appears that some people have forgotten when the phrase “goodbye” should be used. This was brought to my attention recently at work, when the new guy announced he was leaving by happily saying “goodbye” to everyone. Normally I would have no problem with someone saying goodbye just before he/she left, but that’s where the problem arose. After saying goodbye, my work colleague returned to his desk to pack up his belongings. This took at least 2 minutes, at which time he said goodbye again, which was met by a slight awkwardness, before promptly leaving.

“Why?”, I ask, do some people insist on farewelling others before they actually intend on leaving. Are they so pretentious that they assume the people around them need time to prepare for their impending departure? I myself find it awkward if I say goodbye, only to return half a minute later because I left something behind so I can’t imagine saying goodbye without actually leaving. It sometimes brings relief if you dislike the person leaving, or disappointment if the farewell-giver is of the hot variety. Some people put a lot of emotion into a goodbye, so seeing the recipient stay afterwards can be deflating. This can lead to those returning the farewell feeling slightly awkward. Saying goodbye is a special occasion. You usually save it for once a day per person. What makes these people think they deserve more than one goodbye!?

I implore everyone out there, if you plan on saying goodbye, please ask yourself, “am I actually going to leave shortly after?”. If you actually don’t plan on leaving upon completion of farewelling others, then keep quiet until you have readied yourself for departure.

Don’t drink and don’t drive? Bloody Idiot.

Have you ever been out drinking and noticed a group of people, none of which are drinking? Perhaps you have been part of one of these sober groups. Well, it’s time something was done on behalf of all designated drivers everywhere. I hereby declare a new unwritten rule (ok, so now it’s written, but you get the point):

If you’re not driving, you better be drinking.

As far as rules go, it’s pretty simple: unless you’re the designated driver of other people, you should be over the legal limit by the end of the night.

Why? It’s a courtesy to the poor sucker stuck driving. If he/she if suffering so you, his/her mates, can drink without having to find a way home later on in your drunken state, then the least you can do is make the most of it and get totally plastered. What’s the point if you stay under the limit? You may as well have driven and let the DD (designated driver) drink instead. No-one, no matter how adamant, ever wants to be DD. Why would anyone want to stand around all night listening to people crap on about the most boring things in the world? Of course he/she would rather be drinking and having a good time, but for whatever reason, he/she decided to drive and let you drink. You had better thank your DD for driving by getting maggot and not wasting his/her driving time. Remember, DD is sober, and as such won’t find entertainment in all the same things the drunk people around him do. Get maggot so you can entertain your DD. This can work for all involved: the drinker has fun, and the DD is more likely to drive again next time knowing full well you’ll put on a show.

If you’re still struggling to comprehend this, it’s like the following scenario:

A cool new shop opens and offers all people a free car, given they don’t drive to the store (no, shut up, in this hypothetical there is no kind of public transport so forget it). This car cannot be given to another person under any circumstances. You and four mates love this offer, but realise you have no way of getting there unless one of you drives. Obviously, no-one wants to because then they would miss out on the free car! But then, for whatever reason (one of you is gay, one hates fun and free stuff, or more likely, one of you pulls the short straw) someone ends up driving. Now when you get to this shop, one of your mates (not the driver), decides he’s a loser and doesn’t want a free car. Imagine the driver’s anger and disgust! Why didn’t this free car hating bastard offer to drive so everyone else could get a free car!!?? Now the driver misses out when he/she needn’t have. See the link here? Of course you do,I just explained it perfectly.

Show your DD some respect and courtesy and get maggot. Just don’t yack in his/her car.

X-men: The Last Stand = unrealistic unrealism

Yeah yeah, I know, X-men: The Last Stand is old news, but I only just recently saw it so bear with me.

X-men: The Last Stand is obviously a fiction *gasp* and as such it’s inevitable that there be some parts of it that are unrealistic. I’m not going to pick apart the movie by saying it’s unrealistic because you can’t actually replace a human’s skeleton with a metal alloy, that no man can control metal, or more importantly, that all the blokes chase after Jean Grey when in fact Storm is way hotter. What really got on my nerves was the final fight scene, in which Magneto and the Brotherhood attacked the Alcatraz headquarters to destroy the mutant vaccine, and subsequently were slaughtered.

The first thing that annoyed me was the sheer number of mutants in the Brotherhood that somehow got slaughtered without even laying a scratch on the 6 X-men. I don’t care how good you are Wolverine, if 10 people attack you at once, you’re going to get knocked down.

Secondly, remember all the mutants in the Brotherhood are, in fact, mutants. Why is it then that we saw only a handful of these mutants actually use their mutant skills? They all just seemed to run straight at Wolverine and co. with arms flailing and proceeded to get slaughtered. I would’ve expected the occasional fire ball or shock wave, or at the least some kind of toxic fart. Mutants have powers so I expect them to be seen.

Thirdly, and far more importantly, Magneto could’ve just killed them all whenever he wanted. Let’s look at this logically. This man can control metal. He moved an entire bridge with the flick of a wrist. Why then, didn’t he just make a massive metal blanket, and then drop it on the entire battlefield. He could’ve even done this before the battle began and thus eliminating the tragic deaths of his Brotherhood. All the ice, metal blades and lightning bolts couldn’t stop a 20 tonne sheet of metal. Hell, he need not even go that far, he could’ve just got any piece of metal and flung it at high velocity and instantly killed the likes of Storm, who despite her large chest cushions, would still have been killed. This may have cut short the fight scene and left the viewers with a bad guy victory, but let’s face it, Magneto’s powers crap all over some loser that can make ice cubes. Another thing, even if Magneto didn’t want to just kill them all from the start (which is what the movie leads you to believe), 2 of the X-men are predominately metal (Wolverine and Colossus), so he could have, at any time, just controlled them however he wanted with his metal wielding ability. There are so many ways Magneto could’ve ended the battle instantly but alas, he just stood there stupidly and watched his army be destroyed. The good guys win, but at what cost to the credibility of the movie?

I like movies such as X-men: The Last Stand. Movies based on totally impossible scenarios are awesome, but once this created world has been established, some realism needs to be put in place. For 1.5 to 2 hours, I’m happy to pretend that there are women that can control the weather, and that there are other women that walk around butt naked without anyone trying to slip one in, but once you start trying to feed me mutants that fight without using abilities and evil leaders that have unmatched powers that don’t want to just kill the enemy instantly, well, then you’ve got problems.