I love Wiiing

The Nintendo Wii. Funny name, serious business. But can it live up to the hype? Probably, but I don’t care. I’m not going to write a review of the Wii, instead I’m simply going to write about my experience Wiiing and make everything I say sound as suss as possible.

My Wii experience started when my friend / workmate offered to lend his Wii to me for a few days. I gladly accepted, as I had been wanting to get my hands on his Wii for a while. I excitedly took it home and took it out of the box. I was surprised at how small his Wii was. I set up the Wii and took out the crazy remote like controls that enable you to Wii. Without these, Wiiing is impossible.

At first controlling the Wii was hard, I found it going everywhere and the accuracy of my Wiiing definitely needed work. My sister has been wanting to Wii for a while, so I invited her around. We Wiied together for a bit. I was better at Wiiing in most cases. On a side not, Wiiing is very hard. You find yourself waving your arms around and to be honest, you get tired very quickly. Being watched while Wiiing with your arms flailing around can be a bit embarrassing thats for sure! After a few games we tired of Wiiing, both physically and mentally so we decided to stop Wiiing for the day.

Today, not wanting to Wii alone, I decided to invite my mate Daywalker (Midge) around. I gave him the offer of “Wiiing in my lounge” which turned out to be impossible to pass up. He grasped the concept of Wiiing quickly. A bit of coaching and his Wiiing skills were exceptional. It wasn’t long before he was Wiiing by himself, and giving me great competition.

The fun didn’t end there though. Midge soon invited his girlfriend around to Wii with us. To protect her identity I will refer to her as Brooke. The first thing Brooke said when she arrived was how loud we Wiied. She said she could hear our Wiiing from a few units up. How embarrassing! At first Brooke was a bit reluctant to Wii with us. She watched Midge and I Wii for a bit before Wiiing with Midge. They were both great sports and even let me watch them Wii. Midge, being the great guy he is, then suggested Brooke and I Wii together. It was awkward at first, but Midge made us feel comfortable Wiiing together, and I have a sneaking suspicion Midge liked watching his girlfriend Wiiing with someone else. Our Wiiing was soon interrupted when Brooke’s phone rang. Not wanting to stop the stream of Wiiing, she continued to Wii while on the phone! I can only hope the person on the other end couldn’t hear the sounds of us Wiiing. We Wiied for a bit longer before our arms grew tired, which is when we ceased the Wiiing.

If you haven’t Wiied yet, I suggest you do, even if you just Wii in a video games shop, or do what I did and use someone else’s Wii.

I like Wiiing and so will you.

Forward this or you will die :O

“Send this to 100 people now or you will have bad luck for the next year”. Everyone has had an email with some kind of ridiculous prediction similar to this. If you haven’t then you are obviously much better at filtering out morons from your friends than I am. There are few kinds of these chain letter / emails:

• Good luck letters – forward the email onto some stupid number of people and you will get good luck, if you don’t you will be cursed with bad luck!
• Love letters – forward the email onto a certain amount of other morons and your crush will fall in love with you
• Get rich quick letters – forward this email to as many people as you know and one day it will get back to the president of some stupid country or company, where you will be promptly rewarded for your efforts with riches galore.
• Saving starving foreigners – send this email to all your friends and some poor, starving ethiopian will not die.
• And my personal favourite, death letters – if you don’t forward the email to the required number of people, you will die!!!

Firstly, I don’t proclaim to be a genius (I do however, happen to be one), but it doesn’t take too much thought to realise these things are absolutely stupid. If you follow the instructions in these emails and pass them onto other people, not only are you an idiot, but you are showing people you call your friends how moronic you are. Would you hire a billboard that says “LOOK AT ME! I’M A GULLIBLE MORON VOID OF ANY LOGICAL THOUGHT”? No? So why would you forward an email to other people that blatantly shows you believe in moronic, made up, superstitions. Actually, can we even call them superstitions? Superstitions usually have some story behind them. An email proclaiming to be able to save Nabu, a starving ethipioan from a life of slavery and malnutrition is not only unbelievable, it’s actually bordering on retardation.

I don’t have time to list all the reasons why people who forward these emails are a morons, and if you are one of these morons, then you wouldn’t have the mental capacity to understand them all anyway. What I will do however, is list a few of the ridiculous emails, and then point how why you’re a tard if you believe them.

• A letter says someone will kill you if you don’t forward it on:
  • How would the being that is going to kill you, know that you didn’t forward the email on.
  • Let’s say if for every 20 people the email gets sent to, half are smart enough to not pass it on. The email may go through millions of email accounts. By the time the millionth person receives the email, there would be large number of people who never passed it on. How is this killer going to track down each one, and dispose of them? This would be more than a fulltime job. Not only does he somehow have to figure out who didn’t forward an email on, he then has to somehow track down people with names like “butterflyprincess6969″ and “surfadude4u” and massacre them, without being caught. He may have to do thousands of killings in one day for the more popular chain letters.
  • If you are unconvinced from the first 2 points, think about it geographically. Email can be sent instantly from a person on one side of the world to the other. This killer is going to have to rack up some serious frequent flyers points to hunt down all those who foolishly didn’t forward the email.
  • What’s the killer’s motive? Not sending an email hardly seems enough to anger someone to the point that they would kill you.
• An email, which if you forward, will make your crush fall in love with you.
  • What if 2 people send the same email, and both have a crush on the same person. Who does the crush fall in love with, the person who send the first email, or is it whoever sent the last one? This could get messy.
  • Why aren’t all the famous celebrities going out with nerdy teenagers, who, being the smart cookies they are, recognised a genuine chain letter, and promptly followed the rules?

Those a just a few logical thoughts that any sane person could easily use to to realise that a chain email is just a waste of time.

“But what about all the good luck stories that are listed in these emails?!”, the idiots cry out. If I send an email to a work client today, and tomorrow I win $2 on a scratchie, does that mean if my client passes that email on to 10 of his closest friends, he too will be blessed with my obvious good fortune?!!!! No. All it means was that I was lucky enough to have purchased a scratchie that was predetermined to be a winner by a machine in a factory.

Now, before I finish. You must forward this post onto as many of your friends as possible.

Will it bring you luck? No. Will your crush fall in love with you? No. Will you save some starving tard from ethiopia? Not likely. What you will get from forwarding this however, is the knowledge that you may have just opened up the eyes of one of your more mentally challenged friends, who will hopefully stop sending you these stupid chain emails!

I COULDN’T care less

Ok, if you’re a yank and you’re reading this, then PAY ATTENTION. You may be aware of the saying “I couldn’t care less”, or, since you’re a stupid yank, you probably haven’t, and instead know it as “I could care less”. Well I’m here to correct your idiotic theory and let you know that “I could care less” does not make any sense.

Dictionary.com sums it up perfectly here. For all you americans too stupid to click the link I’ll show you the main point that you need to absorb.

The expression I could not care less originally meant 'it would be impossible for me to care less than I do because I do not care at all'. It was originally a British saying and came to the US in the 1950s. It is senseless to transform it into the now-common I could care less. If you could care less, that means you care at least a little. The original is quite sarcastic and the other form is clearly nonsense.

Ok, so do you get it? I couldn’t care less means, “I care so little about what you are saying, that it is impossible for me to care any less than I do right now”. Your retarded version means “I’m not going to state if I care or not, but instead let you know that there are things I do care less about”. Sheer idiocy..

This mongoloid version of the saying has even made it into music, sadly, from a band I really respect. Devildriver’s I Could Care Less seems rather stupid once you think about what they are saying. Not only that, they also released shirts with the clever print “I COULD FUCKING CARE LESS”. Awesome, let’s all wear shirts that show other people how little we understand the english language.

End of lesson, morons.

Pay TV Snobs

I don’t have pay tv. Nor do I have any plans on getting pay tv. It’s not that I have anything against paying for television, I just have no desire to have 50 channels to watch, as I waste my time enough already and I only have 5. “What the hell is the point of this post then?”, you, my dedicated reader ponder.

Well, for a while now, my red headed associate, Midge, has constantly berated me for only having free to air tv and he will often ramble on endlessly about how supposedly awesome pay tv is. The problem I have is not with pay tv, it hasn’t done anything to me, but the problem is the obvious overlooking of some major facts when pay tv devotees decide to unleash on free to air watchers.

There are 2 main points that pay tv lovers fail to consider when stating why free to air is so lame.

1. It costs money. Ok, that’s easy, read on.
2. Pay tv often airs programs weeks, even months, after they have been shown on free to air.

Let’s look at number 2 a little more in depth. South Park is a good example. It is shown in the US months before it reaches our shores, as with most shows. What happens next though, may shock some of you pay tv devotees. SBS shows it before any channel on pay tv! So, no matter how great this subscription service is, you will still only get shows that have already been seen on free to air tv. Wow, it might show The Simpsons non-stop for 2 days straight, but you won’t be seeing anything you haven’t already seen.

Pay tv fans will argue “but what about all the shows that free to air doesn’t have”. I don’t care. I don’t want a 24 hour, dedicated fashion channel. 30 minutes of news is enough for me, I don’t need a channel that informs me 24 hours a day. I have seen Home Alone enough, I don’t want to see it another 3 times today. I’m going to put it out there, that if it’s not on free to air, then there is a reason for that – it’s probably shit.

All arguments aside though, all Australian tv sucks ass compared to US tv since we get shows up to a year later (and sometimes even longer).All hail torrents.