When you think of McDonald’s you think of fast food, and you either love it or hate it. Some people love the convenience of it, the taste of it and the now increasingly varied menu. Others find it fatty, expensive and basically a waste of money.
Love it or hate it, its a money making machine. From the addictive foods that make you keep coming back, to the catchy jingles which suck kinds into wanting the latest toy in a happy meal, its all just more revenue for the already mega rich company. Granted, some of them money goes back to the community in the form of the Ronald McDonald house charity, and there are heaps of other community projects which McDonalds helps out.
But if you think McDonalds is just a fast food chain, then I’m about to open your eyes to one of the best keep secrets, and also, without doubt, the most important thing McDonalds gives back to the community:
Hot ass poon.
That’s right. McDonald’s is the epicenter of hot chicks in each suburb a store resides. This is how it works:
- Young girls aged 14 – 15 apply at their local store.
- Horny old store owner conducts interviews.
- Girls with potential poonability are hired straight away, because, let’s face it, the owner doesn’t wanna poon no fat chicks. (Important Note: Not all girls hired are hot initially, many are viewed as potentially hot, and are hired in the hope the poon farm can bring out the hotness.)
- Over the years, the girls are groomed to be hot, sexy and firm. They use this as a power over the customers to keep both young and old men alike coming back.
- When the girls reach their nubility, they move onto greener pastures, such as bikini models, prostitutes, promo girls or further front counter work where they can put their now well trained poontastic skills to use.
You may be thinking, “you’re wrong, I go to McDonald’s often, and while many of the girls are hot, there are a fair share of fatty boom-ba-latties”. As mentioned above, the majority of these are those which the owner saw potential, but for unforeseen circumstances (or the consumption of McDonalds foods) they didn’t turn out as planned. The others were just hired as to keep the discrimination lawyers off their backs, afterall, you can’t hire purely based on hotness so if you chuck a few ugmos in there you will be safe.
“What do you know?” you may ask rightly. Well, I myself have witnessed firsthand the hotness that inhabits these poon farms. Hired at a tender age of 15, I worked at my local McDonalds store. Here I found myself surrounded by hot girls everywhere, ranging from the newly hired potential greatness, all the way up to the older workers which had been groomed, trained and sexified magnificently. As I, and the girls my age continued through the McDonalds ranks the girls grew in their poonability, partly attributed to their genes, but more so the poon training the girls undertake to get the most money possible from each customer.
So next time you visit your local McDonald’s store, look around, and you notice that my words are no lie. Take in the beauty, enjoy it, that’s what it has been hired for. Thank the lord that McDonalds farms poon, because we sure as hell know KFC doesn’t. Never again will you think harshly of McDonald’s, knowing in the back of your mind, the girls’ training will one day make either you, your son, or even your dad a very happy man. To finish off, and to further add proof to my theory, here is a lovely NSFW Playboy feature on the girls of McDonalds. A happy meal indeed!
November 30, 2006 at 6:04 pm |
This begs the question – does this mean that you were hired for your (potential) poonability? Let’s face it, not all old men swing that way.
December 1, 2006 at 11:02 am |
I was part of the poon training process. For them to pass poon school they had to be lusted after by 80% of the male employees. I made up a portion of that 80%, hence my importance in the poon farming process.