Britney shows some minge

It’s the day the world has been waiting for. Britney Spears, pop idol, mother and sex symbol, has finally done what every red blooded male has been praying for, showed the world her babymaker. I first came across this breaking news on What the F*ck!? People. This is no porn site (if you want that go to Bowman’s site), so I’m only going to link to the censored pics which are here. If you indeed want to see Brit’s nasties then I’m sure you know how to use the internet well enough to find the money shots.

Notice that Ms Spears is hanging out with Paris Hilton. It was not long ago that Ms Lindsay Lohan was indeed caught pantieless while hanging out with the famous socialite. So this makes me wonder, is it a prerequisite for hanging out with Paris that you go commando??! All I know is that she tends to bring out the best in people.

This also begs the question, why do famous chicks who have obviously seen this happen repeatedly to other women over the years, still insist on going out in short skirts, low cars and dirty whore friends, while ditching the knickers? Are these people mentally handicapped? Are they just after publicity? Are they exhibitionists? Who knows, who cares. The beaver has spoken.

Poker Pwnage

Today my good workmate and all round good guy, Clinton “Midge” Buchanan challenged me to a game of online poker at pokerroom. Not being one to back down from a challenge I gladly accepted knowing very well that my opponent is a fierce competitor in every facet of his life.

We began on a simple Limit $1000 table with $25 / $50 blinds (play money obviously). Needless to say this game did not last long as I humiliated him within a few minutes. His competitive streak came out, and he challenged me to a No-limit $5000 table. Not wanting to let him think I was afraid I accepted, knowing very well he would take this challenge more seriously. I was in no mood for serious thinking but this did not deter him.

The game began as the first one ended, by me whooping his pathetic online ass. To his credit he fought back to be about $1000 up, but that’s where the joy for him ended. I then decided enough was enough, and through a combination of good luck with my hands and my obvious talent at poker, I proceeded to dominate. All the time constantly taunting and berating him as to not let him get an ounce of confidence. The game finished fittingly, with me putting him all in with a full house. He foolishly called with 2 pair. He was not impressed by the obvious gap in our skill levels and he abruptly left.

The end.

Hypocritical racism

So by now most people have seen the whole ‘Kramer incident’ and if you haven’t chances are you have heard about it (see it here). Now, while what he said was definently offensive because he was most certainly using the N word to insult the audience member, it made me remember some thoughts I have had for a while now.

Now instead of saying “the N word” throughout this post, I’ll replace it with a less offensive n word, “nibblet”.

There seems to be a lot of hypocritical behaviour when it comes to racism and how some races can get away with being total racists whereas as soon as a caucasian says anything that could be interpreted as a racist slur, they are automatically ridiculed. Think about it, african americans call each other “nibblet” all the time, it’s a term of endearment it seems for them. They use the word in their songs, they say it in public in reference to other african americans, basically they can just say it whenever they want. “But thats ok” I hear you say, they aren’t using it as an insult aimed at another race. Would it be wrong if a white man in an african american neighbourhood with plenty of african american friends lovingly called his mates “nibblets”? Maybe his friends would be ok with it, but outsiders looking in would probably have issues with it. So why is it ok for african americans to use it as a term of endearment, but as soon as a member of another race says it, he/she is ostracized. If the person using the word is not using it in an insulting manner than what should it matter?

Another thing, rappers are using “nibblet” in their songs nowadays. Kids are growing up thinking they can just say it now, but society still looks down upon it. It sends a mixed message to people who listen to this music. Theres a good passage in my favourite show, Scrubs, which goes like this:

J.D. (caucasian): Here’s the thing: TuPac, DMX, Dr. Dre, in most of their songs, these artists use an extremely volatile racial slur…

Turk (african american) nods.

J.D.: [clarifying]…The “N” word.

Turk: I got it.

J.D.: Right. My question is this: if we’re both singing along, and knowing that otherwise I would never use the word, am I allowed to say—

Turk: No.

J.D.: See, that’s good for me to know. I didn’t–I didn’t know that.

I think this is the case in society too, basically, if you are caucasian you can never say it.

Ok, so caucasian people can’t use words that are racially insulting to african americans, but why can they turn around and call us “cracker”. No-one ever gets upset when they hear a caucasian get called a cracker, no matter the tone or intended meaning. It seems it’s ok for other races to be racist towards caucasians, because it apparently isn’t offensive, and since african americans are usually the target of racism (accidental or not), it seems it’s ok for them to be racist towards others, without fear of any repercussions.

I wonder, if caucasians began kicking up a stink everytime one of us was called cracker, if eventually it would be socially unacceptable to utter that word, much like saying “nibblet”…unless of course you are african american, in which case, say it to your hearts content.

McDonald’s / Family Restaurant / Money Hungry Corporation / Poon Farm

When you think of McDonald’s you think of fast food, and you either love it or hate it. Some people love the convenience of it, the taste of it and the now increasingly varied menu. Others find it fatty, expensive and basically a waste of money.

Love it or hate it, its a money making machine. From the addictive foods that make you keep coming back, to the catchy jingles which suck kinds into wanting the latest toy in a happy meal, its all just more revenue for the already mega rich company. Granted, some of them money goes back to the community in the form of the Ronald McDonald house charity, and there are heaps of other community projects which McDonalds helps out.

But if you think McDonalds is just a fast food chain, then I’m about to open your eyes to one of the best keep secrets, and also, without doubt, the most important thing McDonalds gives back to the community:

Hot ass poon.

That’s right. McDonald’s is the epicenter of hot chicks in each suburb a store resides. This is how it works:

1. Young girls aged 14 – 15 apply at their local store.
2. Horny old store owner conducts interviews.
3. Girls with potential poonability are hired straight away, because, let’s face it, the owner doesn’t wanna poon no fat chicks. (Important Note: Not all girls hired are hot initially, many are viewed as potentially hot, and are hired in the hope the poon farm can bring out the hotness.)
4. Over the years, the girls are groomed to be hot, sexy and firm. They use this as a power over the customers to keep both young and old men alike coming back.
5. When the girls reach their nubility, they move onto greener pastures, such as bikini models, prostitutes, promo girls or further front counter work where they can put their now well trained poontastic skills to use.

You may be thinking, “you’re wrong, I go to McDonald’s often, and while many of the girls are hot, there are a fair share of fatty boom-ba-latties”. As mentioned above, the majority of these are those which the owner saw potential, but for unforeseen circumstances (or the consumption of McDonalds foods) they didn’t turn out as planned. The others were just hired as to keep the discrimination lawyers off their backs, afterall, you can’t hire purely based on hotness so if you chuck a few ugmos in there you will be safe.

“What do you know?” you may ask rightly. Well, I myself have witnessed firsthand the hotness that inhabits these poon farms. Hired at a tender age of 15, I worked at my local McDonalds store. Here I found myself surrounded by hot girls everywhere, ranging from the newly hired potential greatness, all the way up to the older workers which had been groomed, trained and sexified magnificently. As I, and the girls my age continued through the McDonalds ranks the girls grew in their poonability, partly attributed to their genes, but more so the poon training the girls undertake to get the most money possible from each customer.

So next time you visit your local McDonald’s store, look around, and you notice that my words are no lie. Take in the beauty, enjoy it, that’s what it has been hired for. Thank the lord that McDonalds farms poon, because we sure as hell know KFC doesn’t. Never again will you think harshly of McDonald’s, knowing in the back of your mind, the girls’ training will one day make either you, your son, or even your dad a very happy man. To finish off, and to further add proof to my theory, here is a lovely NSFW Playboy feature on the girls of McDonalds. A happy meal indeed!